speechless.

it seems as if i've run out of words.
as if, in the last few months...
i've said everything there is to say.
the feeling this gives me, promotes fear and anger.
i have never forgotten all there is to say before...

but now?i have lost all of the thoughts, the letters,
the syllables, the words, and the sentances.
and all i can remember is forgotten.
the frustration that flows within me is more than i can bear.

it's as if someone has stolen something from me,
that i had always considered to be untouchable.
perhaps, i was wrong.

i know you are probably thinking to yourself,
"what is she talking about? the words are right here in front of me."
but in response, i am thinking, you will never understand.
perhaps, you do.

and if you do... then i apologize,
for my ignorance and lack of belief in your knowledge.

have you ever lost something so close to you,
that the aftershock is worse than the actual losing part?
have you ever realized something so true,
that you couldn't believe you hadn't seen it sooner?
or maybe... maybe you've made mistakes that you can't even imagine you have made.
done things, that you think is disgraceful when you hear people speak of them?

i feel like that sometimes.
as if, the secrets i've kept close to me...
have pushed everyone away.

so far away, that i'm alone now.
more alone than i ever thought possible...
and now i'm struggling to stay in tune with all that i love.

the overdramatics of this,
is intense. i understand that.
but to lose the words.
to have something to say but not be able to say it...

it is like losing all that i stand for.
i yearn to write and i feel as though i cannot.
perhaps there is a greater loss here.
one that i cannot place at the moment,
but will be able to put my finger on in time.

losing you, may have pushed me one step closer...
to losing the words that i search for today.
but i don't blame you...
because it is not your fault.

and it is not mine.

share your hearts with everyone,
[and let them all in.]

Love,
Sierra.